Devonne Brown

Jan 1 Writing Prompt

I didn’t make this one up.

“What chances in my life did I let go or didn’t take?”

This is the stuff that four a.m. monologues are made of.

I laugh in the face of such insolence, ha.

Should we include the stupid alternative choices I made as well?

I should have fought to be as smart as I was. I should have been a pain in the ass until I found out about law schools, and art schools, and MFA’s, and Phds. I should have been astounded by my mind rather than put off by it. I should have fought for adult supervision and support.

I did not know what I did not know.

I should have fought back with my mind and words. 

Fought past whatever it was that was making me afraid and ashamed.

Now, it makes me angry that I let myself get so terrified, debilitated.

Damage control again.

How do you fight when the only army you’ve ever been up against has been invincible?

Strategize true

Like women of a certain age become,

I only gave myself permission to fight it out when I was old and invisible.

Before then, men had permission to do everything.

Most of my foes are dead and gone,

Or standing next to me for all I care

There are one or two worthy battles left to fight

Doesn’t seem to be any hurry

I don’t want to spend my time tangled in quarrels.