Devonne Brown

Today, I want…

Summer is a conundrum. I look forward to summer all year long, to be out of school and away from the stench of curriculum. I want to be away from pointing and clicking at things so trite and mindless that it makes me want to lose what little relationship with a creator that I do have. Yet every summer, I go into a tailspin. This summer is no different, maybe a little more severe.

Today would be a good day to go fishing. “Everybody should believe in something, I believe I’ll go fishing.” said Henry David Thoreau on a T-shirt at the beach. I need to be at the beach under the trees on the side of the river today. The real beach on the ocean would do, but all the beach bodies, babes, hot dudes, and the smell of coconut, as well as the occasional beach ball in my face wouldn’t help my mood. I want the serenity of a river and green trees surrounding me. A sunny spot on the shore where I can soak up the sun is fine. 

Today might be a good day for decent company on the river too. I need company, I’m working out how much, how often, and who. My irritability levels are high these days. It’s part of the summer conundrum.

I could give a rat’s ass if I caught a fish or not. It’s not about fish. It’s about serenity. It’s about the water running silent and deep. When it licks the side of the shore, where the rocks are flat and shiny, if I tip one over, a crawdad jets out from under it. I can pick up one of those flat rocks and throw it sideways and watch it jump all the way across the river if I’m in the right spot. I’ve been known to skip a rock nine whole times. I’ve been known to sink a rock on the first try too. I’m that good. 

Today I want peace, to settle down and stop spinning out. I look for external ways to get to it when I know better. Peace comes from within. It’s the summer thing again. I love summer, but always forget about this phase that passes before understanding, peace.