athesaurus.com

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  • Crop Circles

    The aliens are here. How do you know? I saw the crop circles. Don’t be stupid. There are no such thing as crop circles. Yes there are. It’s where their mothership lands and makes a funky pattern on the ground. See? No. Jeb went out last night with his tractor and did that so the… Read more

  • Ask, I Dare you

    Iwish thatI had patience but I know better than to ask for itto help me get just that.Patience has to come from trials and not something that is freely given.It is earned, learned, made, muddled, and messed up.Never ask God for patience. He’ll test you instead. Read more

  • Inertia

    Whatever you practice you get better at. You have to run four miles a day to run four  miles a day. If you want to make puff pastry, you have to make puff pastry. It’s not something you just get up one morning and do. It takes time and error. It’s simple, but complicated.   You… Read more

  • Water Wings

    Water Wings “Let go,” he said. He trusted his water wings as much as he trusted me in the deep end under the lifeguard stand. I wasn’t sure I heard him right. There was so much noise around us. Splashing, water falling, kids screaming. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear him right. He was… Read more

  • I’m Fine

    “How are you?” she asked. That’s always a loaded question. Who asks it gets a different version of the truth of it. The answer is most usually the first lie of the day. “Fine.” I’m scared. I’m worried for my life. I am worried for my son’s life. He’s working on his master’s in grad… Read more

  • The Mighty Oak

    The Mighty Oak Although it is true that it looked easy, swinging off a rope ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. It takes more engineering and logic than some people have to make it work right.   When the dirt road was eye level to the best swinging branch of the giant oak tree, Alan… Read more

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  • Local Pizza

    Local Pizza I’m lucky. I live in small town West Virginia and a half a mile from a glorious, honest to God Italian pizza parlor, Larobi’s Pizza. The only Italian place this side of Ona that’s not a chain. Larobi’s takes cash and they don’t deliver. Their dining room is almost as good as their…

  • If I’m alive

    If I’m alive… In twenty years, If I’m still alive I hope to hell I finally graduated from school. Kids have always liked me, not the other way round. This is the last twenty. Fix it. Admit it, I’m sick of kids.  I’ll publish the definitive legend of how the Scottish play got its curse…

  • Ten Mile Light

    “Out, out brief candle,” I said. “Shakespeare is so antiquated. They’re taking him out of the schools now. He’s irrelevant,” said Nick. My son was six. “Can you tell a story in a thousand words or less in iambic pentameter? I didn’t think so.”  “Just tell me a bedtime story,” he said. “It was a…

  • Adult Kids

    Adult Children A nurse in the doctor’s office ran me out of the room when the twins got their vaccinations to start school. They started crying the minute Dr. Brick said, “You know I would never do anything that would hurt without telling you.” They got five shots. Two in one leg, three in the…

  • Flash and Trash

    When Mom died, I became keeper of the jewelry box. I dole out the contents to the various family members before I die. It’s not the standard little white padded jewelry box with the little gold lock and filigree. It’s the Chrysler Building of all jewelry boxes. Its contents are extraordinary. The most valuable commercial…