Devonne Brown

Parable of the long spoons

Hell is where the spoons are so long you can’t feed yourself the luscious food on the table. Heaven is where the spoons are the same size as the ones in Hell, but everyone is willing to feed you. I hope there’s a special place in Heaven for those who are smart enough to bend the spoons and feed themselves if they want.

I want to think that God doesn’t mind that I don’t want to be fed by someone else. I don’t mind feeding another person at all. But, I would hope that folks in Heaven aren’t helpless. It seems to me that long spoons are a punishment of sorts. A sign of helplessness, or too much humility. Do we have to be that humble in heaven? Doesn’t sound very cool.

 Long spoons would be better reserved for people who say, “Hey, try this, it’s great” or maybe two lovers with googly eyes feeding each other. Maybe heaven is for long lost loves. I could get into that.

In heaven, I want the powers of self to be restored and long spoons reserved for stirring ice tea and digging the ice cream and trifle out of the bottom of a parfait glass. Pleasures. 

Long spoons have always been signs of elegance in the silverware drawer. I have one long spoon leftover from the golden years of Mom and Dad’s pre divorce days. I remember there were enough to go with each plate at the table I had to learn to set properly. 

Mom was particular about her cutlery. I have a set of it in a wooden box in the bottom of one of my china cabinets now. It hasn’t seen the light of day since before she died fifteen years ago. Is tarnish poisonous? I wonder if it has long spoons in the box. I will have to check.