Devonne Brown

Ella’s job was to clean the ashes, cook, and sew. Mine was to embroidery and be on the lookout for a husband. I wasn’t supposed to go near the hens and chickens, but I was supposed to sit a horse and ride with the wind in my hair. I couldn’t even climb upon the beast.

 My butt was too big to get me up on a horse without a step stool. I could straddle one well enough and ride like a man, which I learned to do when I was a girl, but now women were no longer allowed to ride sensibly. We had to ride in that stupid side saddle. I’d just rather not. There wasn’t a lot a lady could do but wait for a proper husband to come along, and accept his marriage proposal. If he ever offered one.

When I looked in the mirror I saw my thin stringy hair and big nose with its wart on the end.  The mousy brown hair escaping its snood, the crocheted net that was supposed to keep it all neat and contained within its confines. I made it slightly too big. It took a lot of pins to keep it in place, then lots of greasy hair escaped anyway. The flowers I crocheted around it were all in the wrong places. Ella’s were perfect. I’ll ask if she’ll make one for me. She’s kind to me.

Tonight the Crawford brothers from the estate next door are coming to supper and play cards with Quilla and I. Ella won’t be allowed out of the kitchen. Willa is very thin and always looks good in her dresses. My dresses are always tight and my corsets bind me to remind me not to eat. To just push my food around on my plate. I’m to tell them I cooked the meal and hope they enjoy it. 

Mama  likes Young John Crawford for me.. He has mousey hair too, he’s plump and a bit oily of face, but he’s nice to me. She says he’s a good match.. She says we’d bear fine fat rats for children. I don’t think that’s very nice, but I understand. I wish I were pretty or at least thin like Quilla. 

Under no circumstances are we to drink more than one glass of wine or win at cards, said Mama. We’re to be demure. We’re to agree with whatever our gentleman callers have to say. We have no thoughts of our own, even though I am the smartest in the family. I can do so much more than embroidery and play cards if I were given the chance.