Devonne Brown

“What the fuck? It’s three a.m. and my kitchen is as nasty now as it was when I fried chicken at noon today,” thought Tess. Something had woken her up out of a sound sleep. Some thump. “What the fuck?”

She found the fuck passed out on the couch in the living room. How dare he come into this house and make a mess like this then pass out. She was boiling mad,  next in line for an episode of “Snapped.”

She walked over to the couch and pulled his feet off it, “Get up. What are you doing here?”

“I came to see the boys. What time is it?”

“It’s time for you to get your ass in the kitchen and start cleaning. What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t even live here. Give me my key. Do I need to call the cops on you again?” Tess was getting angrier and angrier. The boys were going to be thrilled to see their dad.

“I’m dead tired. It can wait till morning,” Jake waved her off. 

“No. It can’t wait til morning. You cooked all kinds of shit, that couldn’t wait til morning you can clean it up. Get busy, or the cops will be here before you know it. Where is my key?” 

“Do you want your key or do you want me to clean? Make up your mind,” he took a key off of his ring and handed it to her, stretched, and walked into the kitchen. He started making coffee. 

Tess came back to the kitchen, “Give me your key ring, this is a key to God knows what, but it doesn’t work on the doors here.” 

Jake laughed and opened the dishwasher. “Are these clean or dirty? If they’re clean, you’re going to have to help me put them away, I don’t know where half this shit goes.” He was toying with her now. He threw her his key ring.

“They’re clean. Use your military cleaning ability and make it happen.”

Tess took the keys and tested each one until she found the keys that worked in her locks. There were three. He probably had more stashed in his shoes somewhere. They’d been divorced for a year, separated for six, but she couldn’t get him to leave her alone. He showed up whenever he felt like it. This wasn’t the first time he’d appeared in the middle of the night for a private dinner or a surprise breakfast. Not even a judge’s edict worked if Jake decided to ignore it. He was the master of passive aggression.

She swore she was getting a dog this weekend. As soon as he left, she and the boys were finding a dog, a big protective sweet one that would put an end to this kind of bullshit. Unless he poisoned it, he couldn’t get past it. 

“What are you doing here, and why didn’t you call?” asked Tess. 

I have only tomorrow to see the boys and didn’t want to disappoint them, so I popped in early. I hope you don’t mind. A friend of mine has some german shepherd puppies, I thought I’d go get them a dog, would that be all right?”