Devonne Brown

Since I’m sixty-five, or just about, I’m wondering how it’s all going to turn out. What’s going to be my swan song? I’m living this part of my life the same as I did the first part, only without the sex. I have to admit, I’m curious about that now too, but I hear it’s a moot point at my age. O well. 

I wonder how long I’ll live past retirement, which looks like about seventy. I want a fun job. I’m too curious to quit, too broke too.

I’m curious as to why I’ve made so many stupid mistakes in my life, more than once. Same mistakes, over and over again. I seem to have a learning disability about decision making, not just little things, like what to order for dinner, but big stuff too. My logic may be skewed. 

I think of my grandmother, who was “Executrix”, her word,  of her father’s estate at 17. She was a very smart woman. Her three siblings not only lacked her intelligence, but were very low functioning adults, according to family talk. I seem to fit somewhere between the two. 

I’m very smart because I can tell stories, but stupid when it comes to logical decision making. I follow my heart every time. Why am I ruled by my emotions? 

I’m curious why my meds don’t help me control my limbic system, or do they? What am I like without the meds? O my lord, am I a screaming monster or a puddle of tears? Do I walk upright with my head up? I’ve been all three, at the same time. I’m curious what this one woman show has in store for the next act.