Devonne Brown

I write in general because I always have. I have always kept journals, written stories, essays, poems, and papers. I write because my thoughts, feelings, ideas, language play has to come out somewhere. Writing is problem solving. It’s fun. It’s frustrating. Writing is my best friend. It’s something I have to do. 

I’m writing a novel, and it’s kicking my butt. In order to tell the story, I have to harness my word power to my creativity. Anxiety sets in. 

“Why do I do frustrating things like this?” becomes my question. 

Writing is always an exercise in introspection regardless of genre. I know myself more from my writing. I know that I don’t know enough, that some things are scary to write,  some are scary to write about. It’s a lot of fun to throw hot acid on those fears in any manner I choose. Words are so much fun to play with, empowering.

I want to be Margaret Atwood good. I know how to write sentences of all patterns and varieties. I want my story to be a classic. I want it to be the definitive legend about how Macbeth got its curse.

I’m a forty-year veteran English teacher who has taught writing for eternity. I know everything and nothing about writing. Writing is different when you write your own novel or short story than when you teach writing. I know grammar out the wazoo. I know the story map. I have all the tools I need and then some to write a story…except…I have to deploy things like tropes and somebody introduced me to “The Thesaurus of Emotional Wounds.” Dang…then there’s head hopping…WTF? Writing a dynamic character is different from knowing and teaching about them. 

I’m way ahead of the game in lots of ways, and yet I have no idea about what I’m doing. Writing a novel is the culmination of what I’ve been preaching most of my whole life. I have to do it, and I’m embarrassed that I’m 65 and just now have the roughest of first drafts of my novel finished. 

From my beta readers I learned I have a pervading sense of hopelessness and darkness in my book. They’ve shown me where to let in the light, and more importantly, told me I have a cool story. It’s working, just not in its present form. 

I wrote Norris Tales with my boys as a family project. I published it on Amazon without beta readers or editors, and it shows. I had no idea I needed them. I figured Norris would be the next Great American Cat. I learned better. Books don’t sell themselves, marketing starts before the books are finished. 

Writing is still fun. It’s still therapy, and it still makes me feel better about the world. I’m not going to stop writing. 

Finishing my novel is paramount. It will have enough light and laughter to dispel its darkness.