Devonne Brown

Show Biz

“Oh, come on. You can be Festus and you can be Ms. Kitty,”

“But, I want to be Matthew. He’s the sheriff,” he was being petulant, we all knew because his lower lip was sticking out. He was a decent actor. 

“You can’t be Matthew. You get all the women in the cat house on wheels. Matthew’s the sheriff, he can’t do that, but you can, Festus. You’re the deputy.” Festus did brighten up considerably.

“What’s your job?’

“I give the shots so nobody gets an STD. That’s why you’re always healthy. You don’t have the flu or pneumonia or gonorrhea or anything, I keep you well. Remember that terrible cold you had last winter? I gave you a shot and it cleared right up.”

Festus rubbed his arm. “Yes ma’am, I do remember. You’re very straight forward with that needle. Very effective. Buncha wimmin passing through in that gypsy wagon?” asked Festus.

“No. I rented it for the weekend. It just got dropped off. I’m camping on the lake with an old friend,” I said.

“We wanna watch,” Matthew sat down at the campfire with Festus.

“History is being made,” said Festus. He spread a blanket and poured champagne for anyone interested. 

“My old friend will want to sing Peter, Paul, and Mary songs, maybe some Neil Diamond. They’ll want to recite Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss. They know the Muppet Christmas Carol Songs by heart, and we sing them after three bourbons.” I said.

“That’s awful. How could you admit to those things, even to us? Shakespeare, Neil Diamnond, and Peter, Paul, and Mary? You recite those things to each other? That’s weird dude,” said Festus.

“We sing too. Puff the Magic Dragon is our favorite, we take turns playing that on various instruments and singing.” I thought they were going to barf from the sugary sweet lyrics. “We’d best be leaving, C’mon Kitty, Festus. We’ve got lines to learn before tomorrow’s shoot. Want to go get some dinner too,” said Matthew. He had taken charge like the lawman on the big screen. 

“Have you always been such a nerd?” Festus wanted to know.

My nuisances had left the building.