Devonne Brown

“From what I’ve tasted of desire, I think the Earth will end in fire,” said Robert Frost. 

“I learned a long time ago to hide the things you want most, for those will be taken from you first. Desire all you want, just be careful who you let in your heart,” said Alice Without Malice.

“That’s kind of negative, don’t you think?” I asked.

“No. It’s experience,” she said.

“No way, you’re a happy type of person,” I said.

“People told me that I didn’t want what I did. Told me I’d make a fool out of myself if I did the things I wanted. I’d be shut down at every turn. It made me sad and angry,” said Alice. She had more malice than I realized. Alice was still sad and angry about a lot of things. Sadness and anger together can add up to depression. 

“What did you do?” I asked.

“I waited til most of them died and I moved away from the rest,” she said. “In the meantime, I did the practical thing to set my life on their track so I wouldn’t make a fool out of myself. You can only stay on the track so long before it becomes permanent.”

“How is that working for you?” I was curious. Was everyone out to destroy happiness in people, or was Alice an isolated incident. I began to think of the people around me. Did they help or hinder me? Had they led me to believe in myself or led me down the path they wanted me to take? How much had I been manipulated? 

“I think I  make a fool out of myself everyday. I feel like somebody’s going to find out that I’m in the wrong place, I really don’t belong here, but I’m not allowed where I do belong. I don’t know if I have the chops for it, not anymore,” said Alice, with malice. Her voice quivered.

“You like your life now, though, right? Look at what you’ve accomplished. You own a house, a car, you have cool things, you can get anything you want,” I reminded her of her blessings. She looked at me like she wanted me to die. I had said the wrong thing somehow. 

“You sound like my dad. Things are a good tradeoff for happiness, aren’t they? I’m comfortable. I have coffee every morning and dinner every night. A bed to sleep in.  I have a job that pays well enough, and I work with good people. I have nothing to complain about. I guess we’re done here,” Alice Without Malice said again, but I heard sarcasm this time.

 “From what I’ve tasted of desire, I think the world will end in fire.”